Self Care as a Grief Counsellor

I spent my Sunday morning here, amongst the trees with water splashing around my ankles, sitting on a rock.

Thinking. Reflecting. Breathing.

A creek running beneath tall trees

It's been a big few weeks for me in many different ways, and I've felt the weight of this.

I've noticed a constant headache that seems to linger throughout the day, a dull ache that refuses to fade away, and the ensuing wonder about whether it's due to client stress, not enough water, too much time on a screen, or some other concern not yet noted. A nervous tummy, churning with unease and an ongoing worry of having done the right thing, said the right thing, been enough for those around me. Ruminating thoughts at bedtime, at a time when the world quiets down, and I should be resting and resetting for the day ahead. My mind goes round and round about what has happened, what may happen tomorrow, and the one thing that keeps me awake: what have I forgotten or am yet to notice or address? A faster response to stress and distress, and the resultant snapping at those I'm closest to. And we all know what comes soon after unreasonable snapping: guilt and regret. What a combo.

I'm not particularly worried about these symptoms that I occasionally experience, but I notice them. For me, these manifestations serve as important indicators, signaling that it may be time to slow down and take a moment to pause in the midst of my busy life. They remind me of the necessity to listen to my body and mind, to acknowledge the subtle cues that suggest I need to prioritize self-care. This practice of tuning in to my own needs is not merely a matter of personal well-being; it is essential for my capacity to nurture and support others around me.

There is a significant cost associated with doing this vital work- the act of holding space for people's stories, which involves not only listening attentively but also creating an environment where individuals feel safe and valued enough to share their experiences. This responsibility requires a deep emotional investment, as it is essential to care profoundly about providing spaces that foster learning, personal development, and growth for diverse individuals.

The work is undeniably some of the most privileged and rewarding, as it allows for genuine connections and the opportunity to witness transformative journeys. However, it can also be heavy at times, as the emotional weight of others' narratives can take a toll on one's own mental and emotional well-being.

Navigating the complexities of human experiences often means absorbing the struggles, pain, and challenges that others face, which can lead to compassion fatigue or burnout if not managed carefully. Thus, while this work is fulfilling and impactful, it also demands a conscious effort to maintain one’s own resilience and self-care practices to continue supporting others effectively.

A bridge beneath the trees

And so, I'm grateful for this place being available to me. What a gift nature is, when we slow down and soak it in. I'm also humbled by the resilience of this place, that only weeks ago was completely flooded, now here to offer respite to this grief counsellor once again.

I share this with you to remind you of our common humanity. It is essential to recognize that we all face struggles and challenges in our lives, regardless of our backgrounds or circumstances. Each of us carries our own burdens, which can manifest in various forms, such as emotional pain, physical discomfort, financial difficulties, or interpersonal conflicts. These struggles can sometimes feel isolating, leading us to believe that we are alone in our experiences. However, it is crucial to understand that these challenges are a universal aspect of the human experience, connecting us all in profound ways.

We all struggle, and some of our work is in the noticing and the intentional step of doing something to ease this burden. Sometimes. this step looks like engaging in acts of kindness, compassion, or support. Sometimes, it's reaching out to a trusted friend or family member. Sometimes, it's taking a moment to move your body, listen to music, or sit on a rock and just be. All of these steps are acts of self- care and are vital to support ourselves in this experience we call life.

I hope you might see this message and have it serve as a reminder that no matter what challenge you face; big or small, you deserve spaces to rest, reset and to care for yourself as you show up for others.

🪷 Go gently 🪷